Two Years Later

This past Thursday marked the two year anniversary of my husband's lay off. You have no idea what a milestone that is in our lives. More than half of our marriage, we have been on the journey of uncertainties from this event. The choice that a few men at a small company made have affected every day of our lives since then. March 22, 2010 will always be a profound date in our hearts.

I've been thinking about the anniversary of this date frequently as of late, so I was very prepared for it when it came this week. Ironically, my husband had no idea of the occasion this past Thursday, which is just how I had hoped his day would go. I woke up realizing what day it was, but he happily went about his day. We were walking down a sidewalk in Downtown Nashville on our way to a restaurant before we cashed in my Christmas gift from him for a night at the Theatre, when I looked over at him and said, "Baby, it's been two years. And we've made it. I'm so proud of you." He looked at me not with the eyes full of pain that I've seen over the past two years, but with beautiful, bright eyes filled with hope and said, "Wow. I did not even realize today was the anniversary! You're right!"

Though there has been much heart ache these past few years resulting from that definitive day, there has been much more development of faith, humility, and character than we ever expected in our lives. Never once has the One Who Owns the Cattle on a Thousand Hills failed to provide our every need. Never. Never has He left us or forsaken us. Never. Never has He left us in our pit and not provided a way out. Never. For those reasons, we have had dancing hearts especially the past six months.

All that we have and all that we do can be taken from us in an instant. Perhaps that is one of the most valuable lessons we learned through this whole experience. More valuable than that, though, we have come to realize that all that we have and do belongs to God. We are just stewards of what He has given us- including our jobs.

Romans 8:28 has been a verse that I've always held very close to my heart because it was my Granddaddy's life verse. I can't stop pounding my fist in exclamation at the truth of it, because we have lived it. This certainly is not limited to the past two years of our lives, but it has been dramatically highlighted for us especially looking back over the time span of it all from where we were to where God has brought us. Dreams that we never could have dreamed on our own have come true all because of that terrible day. "And we know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."

There are several key phrases to that verse...

#1. ALL things work together for good.

Good and Bad. Isn't that incredible how even the worst of days can be for our own good? Countless times we've remarked over how stuck we would be if he was still at that particular job. Really, it was the vehicle God used to move us to Nashville for much greater things that He had in mind for our good, but more importantly HIS good plan for His own glory. Hallelujah!

#2. Those who love Him.

If we didn't love Him, we would not be experiencing His goodness. I believe we'd be experiencing way more of our own bitterness if we didn't love Him. Ohhhhhhhh but the beauty of it all is that HE FIRST LOVED US! We can love Him because He first loved us. He is so good. We all have the opportunity to love Him if we choose to. I think much of it boils down to the choice we are each given- choose life or choose death. Death comes from wallowing in your own misery. Believe, me, I've wallowed a couple times and smelled the stench of death of all that I thought should be. But, when I was resuscitated by the giver of all breath, I realized that I already had the victory because I had the LIFE living in me and nothing could separate me from the Love of God, which is what gives me life and woos me to love Him back.

#3. Called according to His purpose.

This is something else that has genuinely blown our minds. How on earth can anyone feel true satisfaction in life living only for their own purposes? As my dad often remarked, "Life is like a game of Monopoly. When the game is over, it all goes back in the box." There were opportunities along the way these past two years to sell out for a quick sizable paycheck. But, we could not justify those job offers because they did not mesh with God's purpose. Our patience and trust were tested and God has showed us great reward in waiting on His timing. Our chief goal is to know Him and to make Him known. He has blessed us with the most unconventional ways of doing that. The thought of how we could have missed out on those blessings makes me want to fall to my knees and rip my clothes. The sovereignty of God far outweighs the sorrows in our lives.

Those plans for good and not for harm...for hope and a future that He talks about in Jeremiah 29:11... Yeah, He does work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. He turns our tears of sorrow into floods of joy. He lifts us up and takes our hands to dance with us. He.Turns.Our.Mourning. Into. Gladness.

So back to our walk this past Thursday. After dinner, we stopped outside the Tennessee Performing Arts Center before going in to see Mary Poppins so we could take a picture to remember the occasion. We were turned to take the picture and I looked just beyond us only to see a beautifully lit sky illuminating the State Capitol Building. Wow. We had come full circle. A week after David lost his job two years prior, he was miraculously offered a freelance photography job to capture the State Capitol Building on the occasion of Earth Hour for the World Wild Life Foundation. It's ironic, because it was not like we were patrons of that foundation or anything. A photographer who had been too busy to shoot it just googled Nashville photographers and came up with David. The job payed $350, which to us was a fortune. The other photographer's explanation to David for why he was selected? "Just blame it on Providence." And that was only the beginning.

I close these thoughts with an insight I gleamed from watching Mary Poppins this drizzly March eve in Nashville. The play took on such different meaning for us this day than ever before. Prior, I'd just enjoyed the light heartedness of it. Never did I recognize it was centered around the climate of job turmoil and how a family responded to that. The most poignant segment to me was when George Banks was marching into the bank with only the two coins his children had given him jingling in his pocket toward what he thought would be his complete lay off. He was stopped by the wretched looking bird lady, who said, "Tuppence. Feed the Birds." George pulled the coins his children had sacrificially invested in him out of his pocket and said to her, "Mam, I would consider it a great honor if you would take this tuppence and feed the birds for me." Gladly, she did as the words to her song were fulfilled, "Come feed the birds. Show them that you care."

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31).

Oh yes, my friends, His eye is on the sparrow... and I know He watches me!

Music Appreciation 101

Music is something I can either go a really long time without getting into or something that spurs me on to play a D.J. in the car jamming to tunes that make me believe that I truly have a voice like the late great Whitney Houston. (I do not. I really probably sound more like a cross between William Hung and your Great Aunt Petunia singing in the shower. Except for this one ego booster of when a lady sitting in front of us at church turned around and told me that she didn't need to sing because she enjoyed hearing my voice so much. Wow. That was an amazing "pretty voice" ego booster. But, I digress). Anyway- it's something that my husband and I have valued quite differently from each other.

We just inherited a giant pile of CD's from one of his music industry bosses to sort through. It was sort of like Christmas as we went through them all. I have quite an eclectic taste in music. My jives span from oldies from the likes of Elvis, Buddy Holly, & the Beach boys to N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, & Brittany Spears to Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, & Johnny Cash to U2, Coldplay, and Adele to KC & JoJo, Will Smith, Monica & Brandy to Third Day, Avalon, & Mandisa. Of course my favorite band is NEEDTOBREATHE. See. I am an undefined musical mess.

My husband, on the other hand, knows all of these obscure bands that either no one has heard of but audiophiles or that he discovers before the charts do. He's really good at that. He loves vinyls so much that he organizes them over and over and over just to see what's in his collection. The reason we inherited that pile of CD's is because his boss knew this about him and that he would be the perfect guy for that odd job.

I've had music on my mind a lot lately because of the job that God has opened the doors for David to work in. As I was washing the dishes tonight, I flashed back to one of the first conversations David and I ever had, which spurred me on to send him a package of CD's just in time for his birthday. I really didn't know that I had romantic feelings for him at the time, but I genuinely cared for him.

We each came from different backgrounds related to music. Basically, I was raised on Gospel & Oldies. Every day on the way to school, we would ride with my Dad, who happened to be my Pastor as well, and jam out to oldies on Magic 96.1 and also listen to the Christian Radio Station sporadically. Some of my best memories are of my sister and me singing to the top of our lungs with my dad to oldies and he was drill us asking, "Who sings that?" If we got it wrong, he would always tease us and say, "No!!!! It's _____! You're uneducated!" I loved it when he did that. I loved it even more when I would guess the correct musician and he'd say, "Yep!" It was no secret how much he loved oldies. The whole church knew he was an Elvis fan. And that was just fine. Because they knew his heart for Jesus penetrated everything he encountered.

I remember a teacher in high school challenging us about music. I totally agree with the mantra of "garbage in, garbage out" that he was encouraging us with. He was educating us that its important to balance the music we listen to. There is certain music that should be listened to more as "candy" than as the meat we listen to. I have to be honest. While I listen to Christian radio every morning on the way to work to start my day, I can really relate to some of the songs that are played and have a wonderful worship/ mind preparing experience. Yet, there are other times when I just have to turn the radio off or to a different station because it all begins to sound the same and I don't feel challenged or engaged. Those are the times when I either turn it off completely, listen to candy (Ha! Candy for me probably would be old school R&B like Brandy & Monica...So full of Soul & Passion, but not really doing much for any kind of personal development).

Anyway- back to my story that I was beginning before all of this background information. So, when David and I first started talking about our tastes in music, he shared that sometimes he really struggled because he did not like a lot of Christian music because it just wasn't good. Good as in quality- not necessarily lyrics or anything like that. He had grown up going to church camps that guilted you into destroying all of your non Christian CD's in a fire. I will admit, I broke some of my own CD's as well that really were not edifying and had some lyrics that I realized after buying them that just were not clean. That was a wise choice destroying those. However, the ones David was encouraged to burn (not reproducing burn, but toasting on a hotdog stick burn) were from musicians that did not represent anti- Christ messages. Actually some of them probably pointed more to Christ than some Christian bands do.

So, David and I had the candy conversation that I was discussing earlier. He liked what I had to say, so I took it upon myself to send him some meat, candy, and education. (IE: A Christian Mix, A bunch of random songs I like, and a Country Mix because he hated Country). He reciprocated. I found that most of the selections he chose for the CD's he sent me were far superior to mine.

For years I have listed to the music he has introduced me to, just learning the songs. I am very guilty of zoning out in songs and not really paying attention to the lyrics. He truly pays attention to the lyrics, though, and corrects my moments of "you're not educated." I do educate him quite a bit,though, in the Oldies, Country, and R&B realms, which is quite fun! His education is far wiser, though.

He has helped me to realize that the music penetrates of our culture plays a humongous role in the shaping of our minds. Theoretically, I already knew this. I AM an English major, you know. I know this from the progression of literature in our civilization. It was so much more obvious to me in literature than it was in music. That is until Cold Play connected it for me. They happen to be David's favorite band. I realized what literary geniuses and flops there are in the music industry. If you look to their two latest records, you see the theme of the first one is "Lost" and the theme of the second album is "Paradise." Duh. John Milton's Paradise Lost. How ignorant I was.

Previously, I would have thought of bands like Coldplay as "Candy" and sort of encouraged David not to immerse himself in that. Yet, their lyrics are so much deeper than my shallow interpretations. We do all have a Paradise Lost, don't we? We've fallen away from how our Creator intended for our lives to be- perfect harmony. We all search for something to fill that God shaped abyss in our hearts. I've read interview after interview from that band in particular and wow. It is incredible to see God at work in their lives to bring Him to Himself through His Son, Jesus. At the moment, I don't know that they've totally found Him, but oh the things He has done to reveal Himself to them- like reading the entire book of Revelation! That just blows my little so-I-thought organized mind. His ways are not our ways.

So, what is the point of me writing this post? Is it just to talk about my progression in musical taste? No. I think it's to thank my husband, who some how was attracted to me after I sent him that first musical package. He has helped to mature in my thought process of the importance of music and to not take it for face value- individual songs with individual words, but to look at the depth of the gifts that God has given to talented musicians who are made in His image and searching for Him, finding elements of His truth along the way in a world where Paradise was indeed Lost, but has been redeemed through THE Truth, Jesus Christ. May each artist's search end in redemption and each wandering heart be tuned to the melody of His Amazing Grace.